No, that is not what it means. Grieving, feeling the pain of loss, is part of the human experience. Grief is an expression of deep love. I think it’s so important to give this love (that knows no death) space and allow it to express itself, even if it means feeling more pain than you think you can handle.
Heraclitus of Ephesus said, “the only constant in life is change,” and I believe this is a universal truth. If you think about it, there really isn’t anything that isn’t subject to constant change. And it is our response to these changes that largely determines how we experience life. Are we living in acceptance and floating on the stream of life, or are we constantly resisting and exhausting ourselves trying to swim upstream? If you boil it down, life is one big change, and I think this radical impermanence of everything ultimately gives things meaning and value.
I also believe that the death of a loved one is the most tremendous, extreme, revolving change that can happen to a human being. It inevitably changes people because it breaks their hearts. And again, there are basically only two ways a person affected can deal with such an experience: resistance or acceptance. But no matter whether one resists and wraps the broken heart in a steel coat that will somehow hold it together and ward off that dangerous thing called love, or patches it up; or whether one moves toward acceptance and gives the heart time to heal on its own, or looks what happens if they just leave it open, either way the heart will never be the same again. Just as the beloved deceased will never be with us again in the human shell of flesh and blood, we so dearly loved.
We define our reality through the perceptions of our 5 senses. We accept things as true and real if we can hear, see, taste, smell, or touch them. Scientific progress, for example, is always associated with making a reality hidden from our human perception accessible to at least one of our senses. So, when we can no longer hear our loved one’s voice, hold them in our arms, smell them, or see them, then by our definition of reality, they are indeed obliterated.
Isn’t that an insanely painful thought? Is it possible to feel even more pain than the already existing, almost unbearable pain of loss?
Yes, it is. Try it. “Your loved one has been wiped out. They’re gone forever. You will never feel their presence again. Forever gone.” Isn’t that a brutal pain? How can that be? How can death per se not be the most painful thing? How is it possible to experience even more pain?
I think it’s possible because your soul interferes with such thoughts. Grief is the human reaction to the drastically altered reality when the loved one is suddenly not there anymore. Purely human. But if you start to open yourself to thoughts that go beyond the perception of your 5 senses, beyond your habitual human reality, and these thoughts aren’t in alignment with your soul’s truth, then your soul sends you a (pain) signal that says, “Don’t go there, it’s not true!”
How does it feel to think, “My beloved is still there. They have lost their human shell, but their essence is still there. We are still connected through love. And when I leave this earth, we will be reunited”?
Take a deep breath and let these types of thoughts wash over you. Do you feel how much softer and lighter and more loving that feels? This is your soul telling you “so it is and so it will be”. Yes, you can channel your soul that way… (isn’t that amazing??)
You have the choice to add to your grieving experience thoughts that hurt and make things even darker or choose thoughts that are full of hope and love and feel like a warming campfire on a dark, cold night.
So, no, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t grieve. You have good reasons to grieve. But I am inviting you to open your perception to a larger, new reality that will allow you to connect with your baby, to experience that their soul, the essence of their being, has not died. That the pure love you are feeling so painfully right now is very real and will bind you two together forever, no matter what form you take.
Thus, communicating with your spirit baby is not a request to stop your grief but an invitation to treat yourself to some healing balm for your broken heart. Wouldn’t that feel good for a change?